Your Story

After hearing about Raun’s and my miscarriage Barb came to us sharing her story. Barb is a friend of mine from church. With Barb’s permission I am posting her story.

This is Barb’s Story

I had a miscarriage five years ago this July. My dad had passed away, my mom was battling lung cancer and I was forty years old and pregnant. I went to my first ob appointment at about 12 weeks and there were two babies but only one heart beat. A week later, we were no longer pregnant. I imagine they would have been a boy and a girl, named Severus and Stella. They are in heaven now with my mom and dad. I look forward to the day when I will finally meet them.
Thanks for letting me share my story with you.

God Bless you and Raun always.

Barb

Hello,

I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Our story can be found at http://www.angelteddybears.org

If there is anything we can do to help, please just ask.

Jim

This is my story. I am 23 years old….and i miss my baby more each day=( When i saw the the positive pregnancy test in July 2011 my heart skipped a beat. i was shocked, surprised and amazed. My boyfriend of 5 years and I are not living together and were barely surviving finacially..it wasn’t ideal for me to be pregnant but it had happened and now we had to deal with it . We had the pregnancy confirmed by the doctor, and i tried to get my head around the fact that in march 2012 i was going to give birth to a baby. The pregnancy was totally unplanned and i didnt know how things would work out. My boyfriend was initally in favour of an abortion..i felt very pressured as he kept saying it was for the best as we wern’t in the right situation to finiancially provide or care for a baby but i knew i couldnt go through with that..as i secretly felt like a mum already and somehow i knew things would be ok. I felt very special and blessed to be carrying something so precious and for the first time in my life i felt complete. My boyfriend and i decided to tell our parents that i was pregnant after my first scan at 7weeks as i had been having some pains and we wanted to be sure everything was ok. When i saw the heartbeat on the screen i was so excited!! that was my baby and it was growing inside me=) the nurse said everything was perfect and that the heartbeat was good and strong. i kept imagining what our baby would look like=) it was difficult though as i still felt that i didnt have the full support of my boyfriend and that he wasnt as happy as i was about the pregnancy. When i told my parents about the baby they were very angry as i was unmarried and stopped talking to me for a month. It was very upsetting and difficult for me not to have their support and because i lived alone and saw my boyfriend only once or twice a week i felt totally alone and unloved at times but whenever i got upset id put a hand on my tummy and realise that i was never going to be alone again..and id smile. then there were more routine doctors appointmnets, alot of morning sickness and we told more family members and a few friends and the majority of them were very happy for us. i kept noticing the amazing changes in my body and read up on all there was to know about babies..i made sure i ate well and got plenty of rest..my boyfriend and i began applying for all the allowances and benefits we would entitled to as unmarried parents so i could rent a home to bring our child up in as i was just renting a room at the time..i started to show a bit as i entered my third month as im quite petite and felt so proud of my baby bump..i even discussed possible names with my friends and my boyfriend was finally adjusting to the idea of being a dad=) and we discussed our future and began making plans. even my mum finally came on board and came to visit me and show her support. I honestly couldnt have been happier,,and then the bleeding started..it was a bright sunny day in december..and i felt totally fine but seeing the bright red blood was very scary..i went straight to hospital, my boyfriend was away at the time so i went alone initally but my mum was around and joined me later. i endured an internal examination and was so relieved when the doctor told me that everything was fine. she said that bleeding was perfectly common during the first few months and that my baby was going to be ok. she booked me in for a scan though to ‘put my mind at rest’ and told me not to worry. i tried not to worry and everyone said that i was just stressing myself out pointlessly and that everything would be ok but i was shaken..i prayed so hard that night and begged God to keep my baby safe..the day of my scan arrived and my boyfriend and i waited almost two hours to be seen in a room full of other couples. we chatted and laughed away and tried to keep out spirits up but i was still spotting and just wanted confirmation that all was well…we were told first of all that the baby was measuring a bit small, then there was a long silence and the nurse turned to us and said ‘im so sorry…theres no heartbeat’..i sat there in shock for a minutes before breaking down in my boyfriends arms..i couldnt help but think why? why had this happened to me? i felt as though id lost everything..telling people was the hardest thing iv ever had to do..they were all genuinely heartbroken for us..i felt as though id never be the same again…my baby was still inside me..but it was dead. i opted for a d/c as it sounded the easiest of the options..but i was not booked in to have one until a few days later, the bleeding got worse and i suffered painful cramps but still the baby lay inside me…my boyfriend came with me to the hospital on the day of the procedure..it still all felt like a bad dream..by the time it came for me to go into theatre my boyfriend had left to got to work..and i was very scared and in alot of pain from the pills they had given me…when i woke up i felt so empty..i knew my baby was finally gone..they brought me back to the ward and i realised the lady opposite me was pregnant..i was so envious and sad..seeing her bump was such a painful reminder…i was in so much pain after the d/c, it really felt as if my insides had been scraped with a sharp knife and i bled alot, and i was weak, tired drained. the whole expereince was so traumatic…how could i return to a normal life after this?? i was back on the pill and back to work and no one seemed to care that i was felt like i was dying inside…i def couldnt try for a baby again…things were strained between me and my boyfreind as i felt he wasnt there for me as he should of been..we buried our little angel a few weeks later..i carried the little white box to the grave and said goodbye to the child i never got to hold in my arms…my due date was 23rd of march 2012..its not far away now..and i’ll go back to the grave and remember..i will never forget..rest in peace my little one..you stayed for a moment, but your memory remains in my heart..and i will love you forever…

Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage and strength. We just had Samantha’s first birthday about a month ago. We decided to go to the cemetary, place flowers, and reflect. One day things will all come together and you find a sense of peace. I know it may not seem like it, but it will come. We will forever remember our little ones and all that they taught us about life. I pray that you may find light, so that you may be able to find peace, see the blessings again, have continued strength, and have hope. If you need anything or if there is anything that I can help you with, please just let me know and I will try my best. Sending you hugs and thoughts.