February 11-

I am finding that as the days go by I keep finding little triggers that bring a wave of tears and emotion. I knew there were going to be things that tripped me up down the road, the big things, but I forgot to look at the little things. And as much as I wish I could prepare for these, it is impossible. Some things I think I can be ready for, but even those things I am never truly ready for.

Today’s little trigger was a simple thing-putting on my snow pants to go outside. What did me in? The fact that they know fit and to top it off, they fit better now than they did last Winter. I talked with Raun when I got home about triggers. I feel like there have been a lot for me, but I wasn’t able to see many for him. He doesn’t have many, but he has a big one. On his way to work he passes the water tower that is near the cemetery. So while I may have many different ones to face each day, he has one big one, the same one, to face every day. As time goes by, hopefully these things will get smaller and fewer, as well as less frequent.
I ended my work day with sharing my keepsake box with those at work. I was hoping that it would help to relieve some of my feelings by opening up and sharing. In all actuality, all I did was say what was what in the box and answer a few questions as we went along. I am realizing now, that it is hard to be around those who really don’t understand. They may show some interest, but I really wonder how much they really want to know or can really help.

 

  

The weekend of the Fourth of July this year Raun and I decided to take a camping trip.  We didn’t have to drive far to get to a slice rest, retreat, and perspectives.  The area was aboslutely beautiful filled with trails, deer, dragonflies, waterfall, and brightly colored birds.  Each morning the deer passed by our campsite while we enjoyed breakfast.  From day to day we lost track of time.  We woke to the sun as it rose and went to bed when the moon came up.  We spent time hiking the trails and taking in all the insects, wildlife, and birds.  At the waterall we watched, soaked up the sun, and played in the water.  There were moments of silence and just taking in the surroundings and there were moments of creating.  We had time to talk, listen, and be us.  Changes happened, things opened up, and perpectives have surfaced.

This little froggie, as well as many others, we hoping from one side of the path to the other.  The path was probably about 5 feet across.  No big deal for us, two steps across and we are done.  But for this little frog, it can seem like miles, especially with feet coming your way, as well as a vehcile.  This little guy taught me, that no matter how big the task or challenge, you can make it through one step at a time.  Your steps may be small, some times you may jump backwards, or retrace some of your steps, but with strenght and persaverance you can make it to where you are going.  You don’t have to know your final desitnation, as long as you have direction, guidance, and leave yourself room to grow.

 

 

Even though life seems to spin by you faster and faster each day, try to slow down every now and then to look at whats around you.  Especially if you are out in nature, there are so many things to see if you look all ways and slow down.  I was walking back to our sight when I looked ahead down the path and this is what I saw.  I stopped for a moment to look at and take it in.  It was beautiful.  While standing there looking at it a sense of calm and peace enveloped me.  I continued my walk back, grabbed the camera and returned.  Took it all in once more, then went and shared the photos with Raun.

 

 

 

 

 Take chances and live by the moment.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to plan things out some of the time.  But sometimes you need to throw the schedule, hesitation, routine, fear, or whatever might be holding you back away and just fly. 

 

 

 

Remember to take time to rest, relax, and take care of yourself.  This is most important on your toughest days.  Things take time to process, understand, and fully open up. 

 

 

Remember to

Cherish Life’s Simple Treasures

 

 

Most people think that enough time has gone by, I am fine and everything is back to normal.  But, in reality, it doesn’t work that way.  I manage my way through the day as normal as normal is now.  However, the little things pop up totally unexpectedly and the reaction is just the same.  My word of advice, be cautious in your words and make sure you really fully understand what is going on before you let the words go.  Even the best of effort, can be a pitfall for the person.  It is nice to know “we” and our situation are not forgotten about, but it all comes down to timing and how it is said.  Remember we have all lost someone close to us, but losing a child is not like anything anyone has faced before.  I ask that you let God guide your words.  Then they will come out right, with the best of intentions, at the moment that person needs most to hear them.

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