I visted again last week (May 18).  This time a friend came with.  She had asked me if she could go with me sometime.  Since the last time I wrote about a visit, I had returned two more times (May 11/May 18) .  Each time I go, take it all in, and listen to my surroundings.  Last week when I went with my friend we talked and caught up.  I haven’t seen her since the memorial service that she joined us at.  When we got there we visited the grave site.  Now, it is placed next to the May 5 little ones.  I can’t believe three months have gone by already.  Some days it still feels like yesterday and some days it seems like years ago.  It was a beautiful sunny day.  Lots of nature things happening.  Spring had finally really shown with birds abundant and flowers blooming.  My friend asked questions as we were there and we traveled from the grave site to the wall.  Before we got into the car to go to the wall, I heard a wind chime in the distance.  I couldn’t see it from where we were, but I could definitely hear it’s notes on the wind.  As we were driving I saw where it was hanging so delicately from.  Incidentally at the top of the chimes, was a cardinal.  At the wall we were surrounded by birds on the pond and the sweet smell of lilacs.  We stood at the wall for a moment.  I touched your name and then we continued on back home.  I still wonder, if Samantha knows when we are there.  This time while touching her name I began to feel a sense of peace. 


January 30-

My parents came up for the weekend to visit and hang out.  It was a good way of assuring we would get out of the house for a little bit, as well as have others to talk to.  After going out for breakfast, we were on our own, at least it seemed like it.   I don’t remember exactly what we did for the remainder of the day.  I feel like I just moved through the day in a daze and numb to my surroundings.  I worked on getting the house more cleaned up because we had people coming over at the end of the week.

January 31-

After a long night, we had the whole day ahead of us. For most of the day I just sat around, trying to take it easy.  Raun and I went out to a few stores to get out and do something.

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