The draw of nature…more specifically in this case-water, the sounds, the calm.

Being near water and listening to the waves is one of my favorite moments.  it puts me in a mode where everything seems to slow down.  I am able to gather my thoughts, sort through things, meditate, and reflect.  After my times by water I walk away with a sense of peace, open mind, and a renewed energy.

Where is your place that brings you this?  Have you been there recently?  Or is your heart and mind calling you to go?  What would it take for you to go now?  How much benefit would it bring to you?

I ask these questions because after this past week I realized I had not gotten in touch with the outdoors in a while.  The reason?  too busy.  It’s more of an excuse, but with the weather being as nice as it has, it’s a pretty lousy excuse.  After an early day at work, I quickly went home changed, grabbed a few things, and headed down to the river.  It felt good to sit in the sun, watch the waterfowl, listen to the water, and write.

This past Saturday was an absolutely gorgeous day!  80 degrees!  I must say this is highly unusual for Minnesota during the month of March.  A year ago we were still buried in many feet of snow at this point.  Raun and I took the opportunity to hang out down by the river for several hours.

I was able to get so writing done and some photography done.  While both were fun, the photography opportunity was amazing.  I would sit down by the water, listen to waves, and wait.  I waited for the ducks and geese to get ever so close so I could catch a photo.  Waiting still, waiting for the sun to peak out made the adventure more fun.

The draw of nature is what brings me satisfaction.  I need to be around, submersed, near it throughout the days.  If I go too long, I notice big time.  The call and desire burn like a flame.  It stays manageable if I have my priorities straight, but when they are off balance that flame is more like a fire.  It is one of my happy places.

What is your happy places?  Where do you go?  What do you do?  Have you checked in there recently?

 

I wanted to take a moment to share a special poem that I wrote about dragonflies and what they mean to me. Dragonflies have a special meaning to me.  A dragonfly brings a message of comfort and peace from our little baby girl.  A dragonfly helps to give me a connection and way to feel closer to Samantha.  In honor of her, I am passing on the blessing of a dragonfly to you.  It is my hope that it will provide a sense of hope, comfort, and strength.

Dragonflies

By: Liz Lauterbach

Such beauty and grace, delicate and light

Washing calm and peace throughout

Bearer of comfort and strength

A little messenger, dropping by to say hi

Sometimes lingering, sometimes just but a moment

Soaring high, sparkling in the sun

Heavenly connection, closer to you my angel

 

The holidays can be a tough time of year to go through after the loss of a child, but there is also magic, joy, and peace that come with the season as well.  Surround yourself with the things you truly love to do, the people who support you, and find a way to honor your child.  Some of the steps in the holiday plan may not pertain to you or you may think “what does this have to do with any of it?”  That is alright.  If all you take from these steps are the ones that truly resonate with you, then you will still find the strength and courage you need. 

As we went through these steps, there are a few that, to us, just don’t seem to matter.  On the flip side, there are a few that have become really important and we have put into motions ways to fullfill them.  Go through these steps the best you can; following what you feel in your heart, what makes sense to you, and what will help you most in the path of healing.  Remember to go through these steps with your spouse, as both of you are grieving and healing differently.  You will each have different perspectives on them.  Also, remember to take time to honor your little and honor yourselves for all that you have gone through.  It is a tough road to follow sometimes, but there is also light on this path. 

Over time, the light will get brighter and it will get easier to breath.  Take the steps one at a time, and if you can’t take a step on your own it is okay to ask for help.  If that first step is too hard to take on your own, I encourage you to take the hand of someone who can take that step with you.  Whether it is a spouse, a friend, a family member, or God reach your hand out and say “please go with me, help me take this step”.  I promise you will make it through this.  It may be a bit on the ugly side, it may not be easy, but you will make it through this. 

I send you extra thoughts, prayers, and hugs during this holiday season.  I wish many blessings for you and strength.  I hope you may find some beauty and joy in the season.  Your little angel will be near in spirit, holding your hand and guiding you through.  Lastly, I pray for peace for you.

 

 

 

I visted again last week (May 18).  This time a friend came with.  She had asked me if she could go with me sometime.  Since the last time I wrote about a visit, I had returned two more times (May 11/May 18) .  Each time I go, take it all in, and listen to my surroundings.  Last week when I went with my friend we talked and caught up.  I haven’t seen her since the memorial service that she joined us at.  When we got there we visited the grave site.  Now, it is placed next to the May 5 little ones.  I can’t believe three months have gone by already.  Some days it still feels like yesterday and some days it seems like years ago.  It was a beautiful sunny day.  Lots of nature things happening.  Spring had finally really shown with birds abundant and flowers blooming.  My friend asked questions as we were there and we traveled from the grave site to the wall.  Before we got into the car to go to the wall, I heard a wind chime in the distance.  I couldn’t see it from where we were, but I could definitely hear it’s notes on the wind.  As we were driving I saw where it was hanging so delicately from.  Incidentally at the top of the chimes, was a cardinal.  At the wall we were surrounded by birds on the pond and the sweet smell of lilacs.  We stood at the wall for a moment.  I touched your name and then we continued on back home.  I still wonder, if Samantha knows when we are there.  This time while touching her name I began to feel a sense of peace. 

 

Today I visited.  It was the first time back to the cemetery since the service and memorial.  I first stopped at the memorial wall.  We had received a letter in the mail saying your name had been inscribed onto the wall.  I found your beautiful name on the wall.  I touched it. I said it over and over in my mind.  I took a few pictures while I was there.  Then it hit me like a wall.  The tears began to flow-tears of sorrow, tears of frustration, tears of wonder, tears of why, tears of peace.  I went to the grave site then.  Although there was no grave stone yet I could tell that it was the right place.  Could you tell that I was there?  I felt that your presence was there.  Why?… Because as I walked back to the car I heard a cardinal.  And before I opened the car door I began to hear several more cardinals, singing their song.  They seem to say “I’m okay mommy.  I am in good hands”.   When I got home I put a lovely memorial stone your grandma gave us in our garden and place maroon pansies and yellow snapdragons around it.  So delicately a yellow flower had landed on the cross on the stone.  I took several photos of it feeling a sense of peace flow over me.

© 2017 MyInfantLoss.com Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha
Sharing Buttons by Linksku