February 15-

I am finding out that being at work is tougher than I thought and somewhat impedes on my grief time. Thus, making it take longer to get through things. There are a lot of days I come home from work with tears on the drive home. For instance, yesterday I had a parent say to me “wow! You still seem really thing, how far a long are you again?” My response was simple “I was 17 weeks”. She understood, asked a few questions and that was that. At least it was from her perspective, but from mine I could feel myself beginning to turn inward more and shrink up.

Each day I go into work and have to put on a façade while there for the kids and parents. It isn’t always easy to keep up sometimes and I melt down in the bathroom or a few tears while in the classroom. I was asked today how things were going and we began a bit of a talk. Some things are harder than others and there are all these pup up triggers which make it tougher (like my snow pants fitting better than ever, we were doing a life cycles unit and the kids had to bring in their baby pictures). I also mentioned that it is good to be at work, but yet it is not. Maybe this would all be a little easier if I didn’t work with kids and families every day.

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