I take heart in knowing that other’s still care.  But truly, I feel that only a few truly understand.  Some around me try to understand and just go with the flow, not having experienced this themselves.  Some try to understand and try to say the right thing.  And there are some who do truly understand, have walked the path, yet say nothing. 

         There is someone close to me that has no idea truly, what I am going through, however her kind words echo through my mind and my heart.  When I don’t know where to turn, when I feel completely overwhelmed, when I don’t understand my emotions I turn to those words.  Sometimes saying them helps, sometimes it makes me stop and think, and sometimes it just resonates.  One of the things that she said was “I truly believe that everything happens for a reason”.  I agree with her, though it is tough to hear and to take in some times, God lets everything happen for a reason.  As much as I would love to know is why this, I also know I will never truly know why.

       She also said that I was one of the strongest people she knows, if anybody can get through this I can, and based on that she knows that I will ge through this and that one day I will truly be blessed in a big way.  Hmmm…I am strong.  Do I feel like that?  Sometimes I do.  Other times when the tears are flowing I think, really?  Am I really strong?  I may not always agree with that statement, but having someone else believe it, helps me believe in myself.  One day, I will be able to stand up tall and say with confidence “I am strong”

 

The other time was just recently.  I know the person had the best of intentions, however the delivery was a little off and awkward, not to mention the timing was poor.   A co-worker of mine had gone in the night before because her water broke.  The next day a different co worker came to me part way through the day and said “I just wanted to know I am thinking about you.  I know this must be difficult because so in so was having her baby.”  I know her heart was in it and she meant well, however it pretty well did me in.  I was already having an internal struggle between work and personal that the thought hadn’t crossed my mind.  In fact, all I was thinking about was yeah, congrats, I hope it all goes well.  Now, all of a sudden another layer is added in and all I can do is cram it down.  She didn’t know, she was just trying to be helpful.  She wanted to let me know that I am not forgotten.  I am thankful for her try, yes, because even after 4 months there are days it feels like yesterday.

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