I visted again last week (May 18).  This time a friend came with.  She had asked me if she could go with me sometime.  Since the last time I wrote about a visit, I had returned two more times (May 11/May 18) .  Each time I go, take it all in, and listen to my surroundings.  Last week when I went with my friend we talked and caught up.  I haven’t seen her since the memorial service that she joined us at.  When we got there we visited the grave site.  Now, it is placed next to the May 5 little ones.  I can’t believe three months have gone by already.  Some days it still feels like yesterday and some days it seems like years ago.  It was a beautiful sunny day.  Lots of nature things happening.  Spring had finally really shown with birds abundant and flowers blooming.  My friend asked questions as we were there and we traveled from the grave site to the wall.  Before we got into the car to go to the wall, I heard a wind chime in the distance.  I couldn’t see it from where we were, but I could definitely hear it’s notes on the wind.  As we were driving I saw where it was hanging so delicately from.  Incidentally at the top of the chimes, was a cardinal.  At the wall we were surrounded by birds on the pond and the sweet smell of lilacs.  We stood at the wall for a moment.  I touched your name and then we continued on back home.  I still wonder, if Samantha knows when we are there.  This time while touching her name I began to feel a sense of peace. 



Today I take a break from posting another part of “The Story” to take a moment to reflect on this special day given to mother’s to celebrate all that they have done, do, and will do in the years to come.  Mother’s are a very important part of our lives.  From the moment life begins, they are always there.  The connection and bond are deeply seeded, and only grow as their child grows.  At some point the child becomes more of a friend.  Even though you may have lost a child, whether it be sometime during pregnancy or any time after, you will always feel that bond with your child.  It is a deep, deep seed that lies within your heart.  Life changes, goes on, but you will never forget.  And that’s okay.  We always will remember.  The toughest question for me to answer right now is when other people ask me “Do you have any kids?”  Insntantly my mind says “yes” but as of yet, that’s not how it comes out.  I think I am fearful of what the question will be to come and how to answer.  Some day, the answer will be easier to give.  But for now, I will relish in the fact that yes, I am a mother and I have a beautiful daughter who is resting safely in God’s arms.  I found a quote today that I find says a lot: “Mother’s Day is a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back” ~ Erma Bombeck.  We are all mother’s in one way or another.   Happy Mother’s Day to all the mother’s out there.

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