Happy Father’s Day to all the truly amazing fathers out there.  Whether you hold your child’s hand or you hold your child in your heart, you are a wonderful father.

Thank you to all the dads and granddads out there that have been a part of my life.

 

I am continuing to share with you what I am thankful for, grateful for, or just plain blessed with in my life.  At the beginning of the month I decided to share my 30 days of Thankfulness.  You can read the first part of my 30 days of Thankfulness by clicking here for 1-6 and here for 7-13.

14.  Support-I am blessed with a tremendous support system that has come out of losing Samantha.  Without that support system, I wouldn’t be able to be where I am today.

15. My new contacts-I know this may sound odd, but I have been trying to get the right ones for the past three months.  Finally, after like the 7th pair they are right.  I can see well during the day and night finally!

16. For an Extra Long Fall-In Minnesota, Fall doesn’t always seem to stick around.  We have been very lucky and very blessed to still have decent weather.

17. My memorial garden-It’s the middle of November and the flowers I planted (Yellow Snapdragons) that are around the memory stone are still blooming.

In Spring, when I first planted everythingSnapdragons still blossoming as of November 19

 

18. The Internet-without there is a lot I wouldn’t be able to do.  With it I am able to easily keep in touch with family and I am able to share my photography, as well as my writings.

19. MyInfantLoss.com-it has been a way for me to reach out to others, hopefully helping them while helping myself through the healing process.

20. My Car-it allows me to go where I need to go, as well as where I want to go.  Without it doing so many of the fun road trips we did this past year wouldn’t have as possible as they were.

21. God-without having the knowledge of God walking beside me and being there, I think times would be a lot tougher and things would be a lot harder to handle.  Even though I may waver, turn away, yell and get angry, He is always there, no matter what.

What are you thankful for?  It’s not to late to start creating your list.  If you aren’t able to do the 30 days of Thankfulness, then I encourage you to create a list of 10.  I look forward to continuing to share mine and I look forward to hearing from you what is on your list.  Share you thoughts below.

 

I am continuing to share with you what I am thankful for, grateful for, or just plain blessed with in my life.  At the beginning of the month I decided to share my 30 days of Thankfulness.  You can read the first part of my 30 days of Thankfulness by clicking here.

7. The Chance to Meet New People-This past year I have come into contact with some truly amazing people who bring new aspects to my life. I have met a lot of these people by stepping out of my comfort zone. But I am glad I did because I have learned so much and grown as an individual as well.

8. My Photography-Over the years I have had an interest in photography.  In the last couple of years that has really grown from being an interest to being a major component to my life.  I am grateful my skills have grown over the years and now I am to the point where I can share my photos in a way I only dreamed of.  In the future, I see my photography taking on a different spin.

9. Teaching-even though I do not have a classroom to call my own (which I am thankful for as wel) I am thankful for finding again the reason why I went into teaching.

10. Carly Marie-using her creative talents I have a wonderful photo in rememberance of Samantha that was taken at sunset on a beach with Samantha’s name written in the sand.  It is absolutely beautiful and what Carly does is truly amazing.

  

11. All those who are in the Military-I am thankful for all those who have served in the Military, currently do, and will in the future.  We have family in the Army, Marines, and Airforce.

12. Illuminate & Beryl Young-through a course I am working my way through grief and healing by using photography and journaling.  The assignments are causing me to step out, truly open up, and look at things with a fresh perspective.

13. For Dragonflies-dragonflies bring me a sense of peace and calm when I see them.  They remind me of our baby girl and tell me she is close by.  They seem to show up when I most need the comfort.

What are you thankful for?  It’s not to late to start creating your list.  If you aren’t able to do the 30 days of Thankfulness, then I encourage you to create a list of 10.  I look forward to continuing to share mine and I look forward to hearing from you what is on your list.  Share you thoughts below.

 

July 2011-

   This weekend I am taking a break from sharing more of “The Story” to share my current thoughts.  This week has been quite the ups and downs.  There are some things that I am very excited about, but there are some  things that I am greatly struggling with.

   I had a conversation with Raun about his thoughts and feelings with the upcoming days.  Why?  Because July 5 was the tentative due date that we were given by the doctor.  He said he hadn’t really had the chance to think about it.  It is interesting how this sort of thing affects people so differently, yet so very similar.  Like he said, and I agree, I had it all mapped out and he really hadn’t much.  It all makes total sense.  For me, this would have been my last week at work for a while and we wouldn’t being doing things like camping for the fourth like we are.  He, was taking it one day at a time, one appointment at a time.  We all have our own way of going through it all.

   My great struggles have to do with the debate that is going on in my own mind-the I should or the I shouldn’t, we should/could or we shouldn’t/couldn’t.  I had gotten better at recognizing this a few months ago and was able to push it out and try to look at the positive of it all.  However, these have come back in full force, causing me to have to try to numb myself at work and just jump from day to day.  I have also been filled with a lot of why’s, what’s, and when’s- why us, what did I do, when will we be pregnant again.  These are all questions I know I will never be able to answer.

So, on the advice from a friend, I am trying to focus on the blessings I and we have.  I am lucky to have my health, I have a strong (very strong) relationship in which we have endured much over the years and have come out stronger on the other side, I have a wonderful family and small group of friends, I am supported in all my endeavors and have had a strong core group helping me manage through everything one step at a time, I have to glorious little kitties who snuggle and make me laugh doing my heart good, and I have my photography.  This is such a small list that will continually be added to, filling up a jar full of blessings.

I will never have answers to all my questions, and while I may feel lost or overwhelmed or a number of any other feelings I am trying to take on a different perspective from this all.  After finishing my most recent book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” I came out with a different perspective on it all.  It is taking some time and practice, I am stumbling a lot, but I am trying my best to incorporate this into daily life.

The author suggests that “the bad things that happen to us in our lives do not have meaning when the happen.  They do not happen for any good reason which would cause us to accept them willingly.  But we can give them a meaning.  We can redeem these tragedies from senselessness by imposing meaning on them.  The question we should be asking is not,” Why did this happen to me?  What did I do to deserve this?”  That is really an unanswerable, pointless question.  A better question would be “Now that this has happened to me, what am I going to do about it?””  When we are really struggling and lost we should try instead of asking “God, why are you doing this to me”, to ask “God, can you see me?  Can you help me?” 

 

So, in the words of my sister in law Marit “Love it while you live it…. Hug your family tight and tell them you love them – everything else is just icing on the cake”

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