February 1-

Raun went back to work and I was on my own for the day.  I set up a time to meet him for lunch in order to get out of the house and get a chance to see how his first day back was.    I wrapped up getting the house put back together for the weekend.  During the night I got up feeling hungry, decided to eat a little, and then got hard hit with the flu.  I was down for the count all night, getting next to no sleep.

February 2- 

I spent the whole day on the couch trying to get better and ready myself for going back to work. I have never been this sick before in my life.  This is definitely something that I didn’t need on top of everything else that was going on.  To top it off, it was the coldest part the year and our furnace was going out.   Lying on the couch I had a lot of time to think and I came to the conclusion that I was not sure if I was ready, but at the same time, staying home by myself much longer probably wasn’t going to be a good thing.


January 30-

My parents came up for the weekend to visit and hang out.  It was a good way of assuring we would get out of the house for a little bit, as well as have others to talk to.  After going out for breakfast, we were on our own, at least it seemed like it.   I don’t remember exactly what we did for the remainder of the day.  I feel like I just moved through the day in a daze and numb to my surroundings.  I worked on getting the house more cleaned up because we had people coming over at the end of the week.

January 31-

After a long night, we had the whole day ahead of us. For most of the day I just sat around, trying to take it easy.  Raun and I went out to a few stores to get out and do something.


January 29-

Woke up, in tears and Raun and I holding each other.  Weekend-Mom Dad Up-Katie stopped in the am with a gift from primrose and Dunn Brothers coffee for us and to see how we were doing also told me that I didn’t need to be back til Thursday and if I wouldn’t be up for that that was okay-psw gave us let’s dish meals to last a lot of meals (as of 2/21 still had stuff left, cause we mixed in cooked meals) a peace lily plant (with dragon fly in it), and cash (we put it towards Samantha’s name being engraved on the wall)-mom and dad came up for the remainder of the weekend, we went to cheeky monkey to eat dinner, talked a little throughout the night


January 28-

Woke up a few times in the night and had many break downs.  After the last one feel back asleep for a while and woke up part way through the morning.  Had a little breakfast and took a walk around the floor.  Sat outside the room just to get out.  We were waiting for Shiela to come and talk with us.  When she finally did we talked about the memorial service stuff, the baby went down to pathology and Raun I began to think about names.  We started with Jean for a middle and then just began to say names.  We settled on Samantha Jean.  When she got back to the room we took a few more pictures and did handprints in clay.  Then that was it.  Time to go home.  Released from hospital 4:30.  In a way it was nice to be home, but it was scary too.


January 27-

In Hospital- Last night was one hellish night.  I have never been in so much pain.  I begged and pleaded with God to make it stop.  I kept asking why me, why us.  I have never been in so much pain physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  After the 3rd dose in the middle of the night I just curled up into a ball and wanted nothing more than to go home and have this all be done.  Finally morning came with a doctor visit.  She wondered why I hadn’t had an epidural yet.  So they put one in and had another dose.  Finally I didn’t feel anything.  I spent most of the day dozing in and out of sleep and staring at the TV when I could.  Later in the day I was getting extremely hungry but couldn’t have anything to eat.  The nurse offered a popsicle so I opted to have one.  Mid popsicle I began to feel something slip out.   Samantha born at 4:30sih.  Afterwards, we weighed her, took pictures, handprints, footprints and held her.  We just sat there for a while.  Not knowing what to do next.  Eventually we got al little food, though didn’t eat much.  After the epidural wore off I got up and took a bath.  When I was done we went to bed.  Slept from sheer exhaustion.


January 26-

Dr. App-No Heart Beat, Admitted to Labor & Delivery, Lots of Phone Calls-Raun, Katie, Mom, Tonya-Visitors-Sherry, Katie, Tonya.  Spent the time chatting and then ate dinner.  Also made a lot more phone calls and watched a lot of TV.  First dose of stuff.  Was put on pain med iv part way through the night to help make getting doses easier.  Didn’t make a dent and made me feel a way I didn’t like or ever want to.  Tonya gave us a card and a little plaque that said TRUST on it.

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