Are you willing to take risks? 

This was a question that came across my email (http://www.pursuingyourcalling.com/take-risks-in-your-calling/?gseaftercommentingmodal) from a group called “Pursuing Your Calling” that I joined.  I joined the group months back when I began to think that I needed to take a break from teaching.  However, taking a break from teaching meant having to figure out what I would do instead.  Hmmm….what would I do instead?  I had learned and acquired a lot of skills through my years of teaching I could easily transfer, but what would I transfer them to?  That seemed to be the magic question.  So, through 48 days.net I came across the group and they send out weekly emails, as well as blog post questions and stories.  After doing some deep searching and a lot of thinking I came to the conclusion I wasn’t ready to completely give up teaching and working with children.  I knew I needed to find a happy medium between what I was doing, what I wanted to do, and where I wanted to go with it.  Not to mention, what I what I wanted and need to get out of it. 

Woodbury Days Parade celebrating my teaching achievements

With teaching comes a lot of responsiblities, some stress, and some worries.  This can all be taken in stride, but doing it for 10 hour days, 4 days a week was getting to be a little too much for me.   Don’t get me wrong though, there are definately rewarding sides too, but I was beginning to loose sight of these.  So, after many talks with Raun and many talks with my bosses we came to many conclusions.  I say many because we would come up with an idea, that in theory, sounded good but in all praticality wasn’t going to work.  Finally after spending an evening walking down by the river and talking Raun helped me to come up with a great idea.  Why don’t I switch over to subbing and on call?  We both knew that it was something that my work needed.  I am able to go into any room and do what is necessary to help things get through the day.  Plus, I have my bus license so I can help out with school bus runs and field trips.  It seemed like a great idea.  It would give me the flexibility to choose my schedule, as well as give me what I feel I need.

What do I need?  I feel that I need more me time, more time with Raun, more time with family and friends, and time to share my story.  Having the flexibility in my work schedule will allow me to do this.  My bosses were on board.  They liked the idea, but also didn’t.  They understood that this was something I needed, but they were sad because they feel that my skills are best utilized in a classroom.  That’s where I am at my best.

On the North Shore

At my best?  Well, maybe before the loss of Samantha.  As the Summer months wore on, my best was slowly going downhill and I was loosing sight of why I wanted to be a teacher.  This, will give me the break I need to refocus and better understand this new path I am on.  To be honest, when back to school time came around I was okay with not having a classroom of my own any more.  A friend and co-worker said to me “then it means you have made the right decision and you are ready”.

Ready or not…my subbing schedule now goes into affect.  After having made the decision a month ago, this up coming week it goes into effect.  Honestly, at first I was like “oh crap!”, but then after taking a deep breath and remembering why I decided to do this I was okay again.

Here’s to taking risks!  What risk or risks are you taking or have you taken recently?

 

I remember where I was on this day 10 years ago, as well as many others around the country and the world. Today we take a moment of silence to remember the events of the day, the people and families affected, and the heroes. On that day, everyone’s life changed in some way forever.

With so many different videos, photos, and songs to choose from to add post along with this it almost gets to be too much and too hard to decide which one to choose.  I have decided to include the video & song “My List” by Toby Keith.

 

July 2011-

   This weekend I am taking a break from sharing more of “The Story” to share my current thoughts.  This week has been quite the ups and downs.  There are some things that I am very excited about, but there are some  things that I am greatly struggling with.

   I had a conversation with Raun about his thoughts and feelings with the upcoming days.  Why?  Because July 5 was the tentative due date that we were given by the doctor.  He said he hadn’t really had the chance to think about it.  It is interesting how this sort of thing affects people so differently, yet so very similar.  Like he said, and I agree, I had it all mapped out and he really hadn’t much.  It all makes total sense.  For me, this would have been my last week at work for a while and we wouldn’t being doing things like camping for the fourth like we are.  He, was taking it one day at a time, one appointment at a time.  We all have our own way of going through it all.

   My great struggles have to do with the debate that is going on in my own mind-the I should or the I shouldn’t, we should/could or we shouldn’t/couldn’t.  I had gotten better at recognizing this a few months ago and was able to push it out and try to look at the positive of it all.  However, these have come back in full force, causing me to have to try to numb myself at work and just jump from day to day.  I have also been filled with a lot of why’s, what’s, and when’s- why us, what did I do, when will we be pregnant again.  These are all questions I know I will never be able to answer.

So, on the advice from a friend, I am trying to focus on the blessings I and we have.  I am lucky to have my health, I have a strong (very strong) relationship in which we have endured much over the years and have come out stronger on the other side, I have a wonderful family and small group of friends, I am supported in all my endeavors and have had a strong core group helping me manage through everything one step at a time, I have to glorious little kitties who snuggle and make me laugh doing my heart good, and I have my photography.  This is such a small list that will continually be added to, filling up a jar full of blessings.

I will never have answers to all my questions, and while I may feel lost or overwhelmed or a number of any other feelings I am trying to take on a different perspective from this all.  After finishing my most recent book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” I came out with a different perspective on it all.  It is taking some time and practice, I am stumbling a lot, but I am trying my best to incorporate this into daily life.

The author suggests that “the bad things that happen to us in our lives do not have meaning when the happen.  They do not happen for any good reason which would cause us to accept them willingly.  But we can give them a meaning.  We can redeem these tragedies from senselessness by imposing meaning on them.  The question we should be asking is not,” Why did this happen to me?  What did I do to deserve this?”  That is really an unanswerable, pointless question.  A better question would be “Now that this has happened to me, what am I going to do about it?””  When we are really struggling and lost we should try instead of asking “God, why are you doing this to me”, to ask “God, can you see me?  Can you help me?” 

 

So, in the words of my sister in law Marit “Love it while you live it…. Hug your family tight and tell them you love them – everything else is just icing on the cake”

 

January 26-

Dr. App-No Heart Beat, Admitted to Labor & Delivery, Lots of Phone Calls-Raun, Katie, Mom, Tonya-Visitors-Sherry, Katie, Tonya.  Spent the time chatting and then ate dinner.  Also made a lot more phone calls and watched a lot of TV.  First dose of stuff.  Was put on pain med iv part way through the night to help make getting doses easier.  Didn’t make a dent and made me feel a way I didn’t like or ever want to.  Tonya gave us a card and a little plaque that said TRUST on it.

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