What will 2012 bring?  I haven’t the slightest clue, but I will continue to hope, plan, and dream.

I know I want to continue doing some of the new things I picked up this year, I want to expand things, and I want to readjust other things.  I want to move into more of a simpler mode.  I hope down the road I am able to continue to do the things that bring me the most joy and mean the  most.  I will continue to spend time with family.  I hope to take more  time to have  coffee and chats with friends.  I will continue to travel.  I will take an active approach in my health, making the simple step of being more active.  I dream to rebuild my photography business in hopes it grows into something where I can share it more with people and where I can create something special for families.  I hope to reach out to others who have experienced a pregnancy loss or infant loss, building connections and healing.

I hope to be “living the backyard life“, as my husband puts it, still and having that life include little feet running around the house.  I hope that we will grow our family.  To go from 3 to 4 or 5.  Whatever it may be.  To be raising a family is my dream.   I hope my path continues to introduce new people into my life in hopes that bonds can be formed and relationships built.

In the year ahead I plan to continue blogging/journaling, creating a place for others to find help & healing on their infant loss path, as well as a place to share their story through my website www.myinfantloss.com, and continue to find ways to honor Samantha.  I hope to find beauty in the world around me each day, find great joy in the simple things, and grow (mentally, spiritually, and emotionally)

This past year I have taken one word with me.  It helped me to get through the tough days, gave me hope, and created a sense of peace.  That word was trust.  2012 brings a new year and a new word, with the help of an Illuminate class I took I decided to make a conscious choice about what word I want to carry me through the new year.  I have been trying to decide between two…strength and believe.  With all that I am hoping for and dreaming for, my word is going to be…believe.  It encompasses so much and with my one word mantra, I will continue to grow and will be able to make it through the year with a strong foundation.  What does 2012 look like for you?  Whatever it may be…I hope your year is filled with relaxation, happiness, laughter, and many blessings.  Happy New Year!  Here’s to a great year!!



Throughout the years we come across things on our path that at the time may seem meaningless.  It isn’t until later that we begin to wonder.  It may take minutes, days, or even years, but for what ever reason we can’t get that thing out of our mind.  It changes us.  For me, this year has been filled with seeing things in a different light, a different perspective, or new meaning.

 The beginning of the year brought on a life experience I never thought I would face.  The loss of a child.  My husband and lost Samantha, our first pregnancy the end of January.  Since then I have been seeing the side of beauty in the world around us.  What some may see as an annoying snowfall, I could see a beauty in snowy covered trees surrounding us.  Or a simple walk back to a campsite turns into rays of light filtering through the trees.

Since I was a child I was intrigued by dragonflies.  When we were camping and I would catch a glimpse of dragonflies flying around, I would stop for a brief moment watching them.  This past Spring, as I put out my garden art pieces, I realized I have several draongfly pieces.  It seemed odd to me that after having put them out year after year in Springtime that I had never noticed before.  So what changed?  The significance of dragonflies.

The dragonfly runs more deeply and touches even deeper in my heart.  The maternity floor at the hospital is also known as the dragonfly floor and there was a dragonfly stone one the wall just outside my door.  Once we were home we received a peace lily and in the peace lily was a dragonfly.  For my birthday I received a card from my grandfather had a dragonfly on it.  A book I received had the coloring of a dragonfly wings on the cover.  There are dragonflies as a part of the website where I received my infant loss necklace from and the label of the bath bombs that I got as a Christmas gift. 

Throughout the Summer I would be visited by dragonflies in places where I normally did not see them.  I would see them at work while out on the playground, occasionally they would hang with me at the memorial wall where Samantha’s name is written, and even at home.  There was even one time when I was leaving for work, it happened to be a tough day,  that a dragonfly landed on my hand for a brief moment.  They seemed to show up just when I need them the most.  Even though it has gotten cold now, the dragonflies still come around.  Only instead of flying around outside, I find them around the house in the midst of doing daily tasks.  For me, a dragonfly lets me know that our little angel is very close by and just stopping into say “Hi Mommy, I’m alright”.  This bring a great sense of peace and comfort to my mind, heart, and spirit.








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