As I am bouncing my new little guy, I am thinking about Mother’s day. For those facing a loss, Mother’s Day can be hard to take in. And when it’s your first child, then what do you do. Is it still a celebration? It may seem weird to celebrate being a mom when your baby isn’t in your arms, but you should celebrate being a mom. Honestly, it will be tough, it was for me. Mother’s Day came just a few short months after we lost Samantha. It felt right to do a little something, but I also wanted the time to reflect a little as well. We spent that Mother’s Day enjoying the warmth of the sun (after a very long, snowy Winter), enjoying a coffee beverage & pastry from a local coffee shop, and sitting down by the Mississippi River.
That was two years ago. It was my very fist Mother’s Day and my daughter was in heaven. Now, I get to celebrate Mother’s day with her in heaven and our new little guy who arrived in April. I am a mom times two, but it doesn’t look like it to most people. We are blessed to have Samantha watching over us, like a beautiful angel. It all just seems a little surreal. I am a new mom, but yet I am not. I have been a mom for two years, but have had different responsibilities than a typical mom does. And yet, right now I am a first time mom because this is our first child that has successfully made it. Some time down the road we will have the opportunity to explain to Little Guy that he has a sister. But for now, I am relishing in the fact that I get to watch him grow…a little too fast it seems sometimes, but I get to watch him grow, change, and learn. He is such a blessing. We received a photo frame with a beautiful quote that really says it all: “We made a wish and you came true. And we thank god for the gift of you.” We made a wish years ago to have children. The path that we thought we would have taken and the one that has been laid in front of us are two very different things. While there have been struggles, I wouldn’t change a thing. I am a mommy x 2!
Happy Mother’s Day to all! Even if you aren’t able to hold your children in your arms, they are always in your heart. And even if others can’t see all your children, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t a mom. You are, and always will be. Be gentle to yourself today and try to find some joy in it.
This weekend we celebrate Samantha’s second birthday. It’s hard to believe, some days, that it has been two years since she came into our world and we had to quickly say goodbye. I have to admit, the second year has been a lot easier to process through than the first. I am not saying it hasn’t been without it’s difficulties and moments of undeniable grief, but those moments have been just a little bit easier to take in and deal with.
It’s a chilly day outside today, so I am taking some time to reflect on 2012 and think ahead to the new year, while enjoying one of my favorite beverages. It’s been a busy year of travel, growth, spending time with family, and as the year comes to a close lots of organizing. I look forward to 2013, knowing it will be filled with many blessings, moments of trials, and many changes…especially with Timothy on his way.
Holidays are a time of joy and celebration, filled with making new memories, celebrating traditions, and spending time with loved ones. Holidays can also be a time of confusion, sadness, and uncertainty if you have lost a loved….recently or years ago. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was that you lost someone special, there is still a tinge of sadness that hits you during the holiday time. If has been recent and someone who has lived a long time, you begin to wonder what will happen to the usual traditions of the holiday time now that they aren’t there to celebrate. If it is someone younger, you sometimes try to figure out ways to start new traditions in their honor and memory.
This year is no different. Still a favorite time of year for me. However there is a deeper meaning to this time of year. Two years ago…right around October 15 we got pregnant for the first time. Our baby girl only made it 17 weeks, but has left a lasting legacy on our lives and our hearts. Interestingly enough, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. On this day hundreds gather in memory of their children across the world. There is also a wave of light that is passed on…a lighted candle lit in memory started at the same time all around the world creating a continuous light.
This week Raun and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary. Our relationship together goes many more years than that…17 years! As you can imagine we have created many memories together, as well as had some interesting twists and turns over the years. But through them all we have gotten closer and stronger. I am blessed to have found someone who is caring and funny, easy going and smart. I have a truly amazing and wonderful husband, who is also my best friend. I don’t know where our road will lead us, but where ever it goes we will be walking it hand in hand and ending our nights with sleep well, sweet dreams, & I love yous. Here’s to many more memories and all the twists & turns they bring to get there. I love you, hun!
Today marks the last of the “year hurdles”. July 5th was set as our due date. I remember hearing the doctor say that it was the date Samantha was due, but I felt that it was too early. In my mind I figured it would be later in July. Turns out, we were both wrong. Samantha came in January instead. She had her own plan.
Happy Father’s Day to all the truly amazing fathers out there. Whether you hold your child’s hand or you hold your child in your heart, you are a wonderful father.
This past weekend, having an extended weekend, Raun and I decided to go camping. I grew up camping during the Summer months and have so many great memories. Raun and I have been going camping for as long as we have been together. In fact, part of our honeymoon was spent camping and this year (7 years later) we will return to the same campground for a week.
