To be honest after Samantha died the thought of being pregnant again, let alone trying again was one of the furthest things from my mind.  Not to long after our loss, I dove back into my work.  It was familiar and it took up a majority of my day, week, and time.  Meaning that it took up a lot of my brain, so I could push things down emotionally and physically.  Finally after months of ten hour days at work working with children it finally hit…I needed to truly let myself grieve.  I hadn’t really done it, thereby I hadn’t taken care of myself.  I figured if I don’t take care of me, I can’t take care of my husband and our relationship, and I can’t take care of the other things going on in my life.  I needed to make a change, something that would allow me to take care of myself and let myself grieve so I could begin to heal.  Then I would be able to give attention to the important things in my life.  I thought I had been taking care of myself by blogging about my experience and getting back to a normal routine.  But things were different now, I was different.  By the end of the Summer I decided to make a big change, I gave up my classroom as a full time teacher to become a part time sub in the same building.  By doing that, I was able to allow myself the time to let the healing process begin.  I began to meet with others who have walked a similar path weekly.  I could share my story, experiences, and what I have learned.  I was able to help myself, help others, and build a few deep connections.  Once I began to make these changes and spend some time on myself to work through things, I was able to begin to think about trying again to get pregnant.  Up to that point, I was if it happens it happens.  But now, I felt ready enough to be pregnant again.

 

Liz Lauterbach

Wife, Mom, Photographer, and Writer walking the path of healing by sharing my story. http://www.myinfantloss.com
   
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