October begins a season of change.  It is now Fall, with oranges, reds, and yellows in full swing.  This time of year is one of my favorite times, because of the cool crisp evenings perfect for sitting by the fire and days that are still warm enough I can wear flip flops.  I love the colors outside, so vibrant, and the chance to watch leaves twist to the ground in the light breezes.  I enjoy the chance to decorate my house with these colors on the inside and the chance to head to the apple orchard.

This year is no different.  Still a favorite time of year for me.  However there is a deeper meaning to this time of year.  Two years ago…right around October 15 we got pregnant for the first time.  Our baby girl only made it 17 weeks, but has left a lasting legacy on our lives and our hearts.  Interestingly enough, October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  On this day hundreds gather in memory of their children across the world.  There is also a wave of light that is passed on…a lighted candle lit in memory started at the same time all around the world creating a continuous light.

The whole month of October is slowly being recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Awareness Month…a chance to break the silence.  A chance to tell the world that some of your children are here on earth, as well as angels in heaven.  Slowly we are moving away from a taboo subject and taking the chance to share with others.  More and more those who have walked this path are coming together .

I am taking the chance to put into photographs the opportunity to “capture my grief”.  Carly Marie has put together an opportunity to capture 31 photographs in 31 days.  You can find out more at Carly Marie Project Heal.  I am filled with a mix of emotions at the start of this month.  It has been a year & a half since we said our goodbyes to Samantha.  What most people don’t realize is that while time has passed, I still grieve.  The grieving is different, but it is still something that is with me.  And from what I understand, it will still be there…it just changes over time.  This October we are pregnant again, our rainbow so to speak.  So while thinking about Samantha, I am thinking about our little miracle.  Growing day by day and hoping everything is going alright.  In the following days I will share with you my 31 photographs as I walk through this month.  This week we celebrate week 12 of our pregnancy.  Not only will you see the grieving side and what has gone on with that, but also the joyous side of being pregnant throughout this month.  The photo in this post is from day 1 of the 31 photographs in 31 days…Sunrise.  It started out as a cool, cloudy day but ended as a beautiful warm day.

Liz Lauterbach

Wife, Mom, Photographer, and Writer walking the path of healing by sharing my story. http://www.myinfantloss.com
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