Today marks the last of the “year hurdles”.  July 5th was set as our due date.  I remember hearing the doctor say that it was the date Samantha was due, but I felt that it was too early.  In my mind I figured it would be later in July.  Turns out, we were both wrong.  Samantha came in January instead.  She had her own plan.

I am not sure how to look at this date.  Last year this date mark the what could have been.  The excitement, the anticipation, the joy.  Last year this day was really tough.  We went away for the weekend and did something we enjoyed…camping.  The last day we were there as I was walking back to our campsite the sun was shining through the trees creating a beautiful and peaceful image.  I captured that moment in the photo in this post.  It was after that that I began to feel ready to begin trying again.  A let’s just see what happens kind of trying again.

But this year, the date has a different feeling.  I can’t quite put into words exactly what it is, but it just feels different.  Even though this was Samantha’s expected arrival date, she came on January 27 instead.  A date which holds so much more meaning and significance.  I am not saying that July 5th isn’t important to remember, it’s just not as important this year.  I recognize this date and what it might have been.  However, that is not what is.

So on this day, I will remember and reflect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Liz Lauterbach

Wife, Mom, Photographer, and Writer walking the path of healing by sharing my story. http://www.myinfantloss.com
  • http://www.berylaynyoung.com/ beryl ayn young

    Someone asked me the other day what Bella’s due date was and I couldn’t remember. Oh my – the guilt! My husband had to remind me what the date actually was. But now almost 3 years later that date just doesn’t hold as much significance as the day she actually arrived. It definitely is conflicting emotions approaching that date year after year and I am glad you are indeed taking time to reflect today.

    • Anonymous

      I can see how the due date becomes less and less. I decided to visit Samantha and reflect a little. I also released balloons and I had this feeling that washed over me. It was, how do I put it, like a sense of letting go. I can understand the feeling of guilt. I originally said I could work and then after I handed in my schedule I realized that may not have been the best idea. I was feeling guilty. Then early in the week I was told they didn’t need me to come in and I took it as a hint I should try to do something. It’s hard though because it is an important date, but there is so much more to the day she arrived. It is so weird being pulled into total different directions emotionally. All I can say is do what ever feels right in your heart. Thank you Beryl!

   
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