A couple of weeks ago I was stuck in what I would like to call, an in between moment.  May 6  and May 13.

May 6 is International Bereaved Mother’s Day.  It is a day that was created for those who carry their babies in their hearts, instead of their arms.  It gives those who are bereaved moms a chance to come together to honor their children and their loss.  The traditional Mother’s Day can be tough for those who have faced the loss of a child.

May 13 is Mother’s day.  A concept that seems a little weird.  I am a mother.  My child may not be in my arms, but I am a mother.  So how does one celebrate such a special day when their children aren’t here to help celebrate?  One could say that last year was my first Mother’s Day because Samantha came into our world in January.  However, you could say that this year was my first Mother’s Day because it is the first one after her original due date.  Either way, it is Mother’s Day.

I understand the importance of both days, but this year I felt more yearning, more pull towards Mother’s Day.  I had a mix of emotions leading up to the day.  I had decided a few weeks back to by a necklace from Tiny Dream Shop that really resonated with me.  As this post comes out, I am awaiting for it to arrive.  I know it will be beautiful.  The Friday before I was at work and kind of on auto pilot.  The day began and end with me saying “Happy Mother’s Day!  I hope you have a good weekend” to a couple of co-workers.  It did my heart good when they said “Happy Mother’s Day” back to me.

Raun and I spent part of the day down by the river.  We stopped by Caribou to get a coffee and something to eat first.  We sat in the warmth of the sun, enjoying the beautiful day and each others company.  I received a beautiful message from my sister in law…”Happy Mother’s Day, Liz. Moms of angels are the strongest ones. Love you and hope you find beauty in your day! ?”  At the end of the day it really hit home.  While at softball one of the guys on the team asked me how my mother’s day was.  After which someone else said, “you are a mother?”  To which I responded, “yup!”

Yes, I am a mother.  I am proud to be a mom.  Though I may not hold my daughter in my arms, I hold her in my heart.  Down the road, when we have more kids, I know I will continue to be a great mom.  I am a mother.

Liz Lauterbach

Wife, Mom, Photographer, and Writer walking the path of healing by sharing my story. http://www.myinfantloss.com
   
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