Normally I am able to write more of a post, but it has been a busy week.  I have been in to work quite a bit, we’ve had softball two nights, and the rest of the time has been spent getting ready for the weekend.

It’s Friday and it’s a long weekend.  So we are headed to a beautiful campground in WI for the weekend.  The menu is planned and we plan to go canoeing, but most importantly it’s a mini vacation and we are going to relax and enjoy.  Hope you all have a great weekend and can find some time to relax.  Enjoy!

 

A couple of weeks ago I was stuck in what I would like to call, an in between moment.  May 6  and May 13.

May 6 is International Bereaved Mother’s Day.  It is a day that was created for those who carry their babies in their hearts, instead of their arms.  It gives those who are bereaved moms a chance to come together to honor their children and their loss.  The traditional Mother’s Day can be tough for those who have faced the loss of a child.

May 13 is Mother’s day.  A concept that seems a little weird.  I am a mother.  My child may not be in my arms, but I am a mother.  So how does one celebrate such a special day when their children aren’t here to help celebrate?  One could say that last year was my first Mother’s Day because Samantha came into our world in January.  However, you could say that this year was my first Mother’s Day because it is the first one after her original due date.  Either way, it is Mother’s Day.

I understand the importance of both days, but this year I felt more yearning, more pull towards Mother’s Day.  I had a mix of emotions leading up to the day.  I had decided a few weeks back to by a necklace from Tiny Dream Shop that really resonated with me.  As this post comes out, I am awaiting for it to arrive.  I know it will be beautiful.  The Friday before I was at work and kind of on auto pilot.  The day began and end with me saying “Happy Mother’s Day!  I hope you have a good weekend” to a couple of co-workers.  It did my heart good when they said “Happy Mother’s Day” back to me.

Raun and I spent part of the day down by the river.  We stopped by Caribou to get a coffee and something to eat first.  We sat in the warmth of the sun, enjoying the beautiful day and each others company.  I received a beautiful message from my sister in law…”Happy Mother’s Day, Liz. Moms of angels are the strongest ones. Love you and hope you find beauty in your day! ?”  At the end of the day it really hit home.  While at softball one of the guys on the team asked me how my mother’s day was.  After which someone else said, “you are a mother?”  To which I responded, “yup!”

Yes, I am a mother.  I am proud to be a mom.  Though I may not hold my daughter in my arms, I hold her in my heart.  Down the road, when we have more kids, I know I will continue to be a great mom.  I am a mother.

 

 

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there.  Whether you hold your children in your arms or your heart you are still a wonderful mother.

Thank you to my mom and all the other women who were like a mom to me.  Thank you for all that you have done, your wisdom, and your hugs.  Thank you for being there, believing in me, and your friendship.  You have given me hope, strength, and encouragement over the years.  I believe that one day I will be a great mom and it’s all because of you and what I have learned from you.  Thank you!  I love you!!

 

I have begun work on a new project.  For a while now, I have felt a little tug at my heart telling me that I should be giving forward.  By this I mean, that I want to reach out to other baby loss families using creativity and crafting.  So, Samantha’s Dragonfly was born.  If you have read my blog before, you know that dragonflies carry an extra special meaning for me.  Like other baby loss families, it’s a special connection to our little ones.

I have begun making hand beaded dragonflies.  In with the little dragonfly is the poem that I wrote at Christmas time about dragonflies and a message about the blessing of a dragonfly to me.  I also have a special greeting card that is designed just for baby loss families as well.  My hope is that I can begin to pass along the blessing of the dragonfly and provide a little extra light for someone.

My dragonflies are donated to a local hospital.  It is the hospital we were at and these special items are added into the keepsake boxes that they give out to baby loss families.  I also send out my dragonflies to people who have experienced the loss of a child.  You can request a dragonfly for yourself or for someone you know as a gift.   I do not charge for the dragonflies, however I do ask that if you are interested in supporting Samantha’s Dragonfly that you consider donating $5 to help cover the cost of supplies and shipping.

Stop by Samantha’s Dragonfly to find out more information and to request a dragonfly please contact me at liz@myinfantloss.com or facebook: MyInfantLoss.Com

 

I know that when we face difficult times in our lives our faith can either be destroyed or strengthened.  I also know that there are a lot of pregnancy and infant loss families out there, as well as those who support them that have lost their faith because of their loss.  While yet, some of those families have gotten a stronger faith because of it.

In all honesty my faith life is still kind of young and growing.  With the death of our daughter there were some things I didn’t want to loose hold of.  I didn’t want to loose hold of God and my faith and I didn’t want to loose the strength of my marriage.  I know full well that both of these things could have tanked afterwards, but from where I sit I feel like they have both gotten stronger.  Yes, my faith has wavered throughout this time and there are times I wondered how God could take away such a young life.  But I rest assured that Samantha is being held in loving arms and being taken care of, she is in Heaven’s Nursery.  As far as my marriage goes, we’ve always had a strong relationship and this experience, I feel, has brought us closer than before.  With my husband and with God, I know I can face the tough spots in life.

I will have to admit that sometimes my praying gets side tracked a little to easily.  Since everything has happened I have tried to make more of a conscious effort to pray.  Sometimes it’s in the morning, sometimes it’s before bed.  But most of the time it is through little bullet prayers throughout the day.  Just a short one or two sentence about whatever is happening at the moment.  There have been many days where I just don’t know what to say and that’s okay.  That is when I say, well Lord, you know what is in my heart even though I can’t find the right words to say right now.  Recently I started doing an ABC prayer.  When I don’t know what to say, but really feel the need to put some words out there, I do an ABC prayer.

I start at the beginning of the alphabet and think of a word or phrase that goes with each letter.  If I come to a letter and can’t think of anything, I move onto the next.  By doing this, I usually have something that pops into mind a few letters later.  If I do skip over a letter I make sure to go back, so that each letter has something.  For example: A-angels, B-baseball, C-creativity.  I use things that are blessings, gifts, important to me, events, or people on my mind.  You will be surprised at what you think of for the letters as you go along.

What do you do to collect your thoughts at the end of the day?  What prayers do you find helpful?  What do you say to yourself to uplift your thoughts and  cares?

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