During this whole process of grief, healing, and trying again it’s hard to not feel defeated sometimes. I’d be kidding myself if I said that I haven’t felt this way on occasion. I find that the feelings of defeat have come more often since we began trying again. It is only human to work ourselves up in anticipation of something, especially when it is something we really want. The higher the anticipation, the greater the reward sometimes. Likewise, the higher the anticipation the greater the fall feels when it doesn’t turn out like we’ve planned. For me, when I am feeling defeated, that seems to be the time when my fears seem to rise up.
I have to keep telling myself to have faith…to be brave…to have hope. It’s no wonder when a baby is born that it is considered a miracle. All the pieces that have fit together just so to make it all work out, it’s truly an amazing thing. Honestly, I am no different than any of those out there who decide to grow their family. We all want to have this little miracle. After you experience the loss of a child, that want and desire seem to grow even bigger. So it is really important, dare I say imperative to continue to have hope. Because with hope, you will find faith, and with faith you will be able to be brave to stand strong and face the day, not to mention all the emotions that go with it.
I received a piece of advice from a friend recently. It is a great idea, but I have to admit it feels like a little counter intuitive. It goes against the normal flow of human nature-in a good way though. She told me that you need to tell yourself that you are strong. That you can carry a baby. That you can provide a place that provides what your baby needs. You can create and carry life. You can do this.
When you think about it, it is kind of like the pep talk given at half time to the team from the coach when the game isn’t going as well as they had planned for. It is done to inspire the team, to motivate them, to tell them that they have the skills and ability to accomplish what is needed in order to finish the game wining. We all need a little pep talk to get us motivated every now and then. So be sure to give yourself the pep talk you need to help you be strong…to have hope…to have faith…and to be brave.
I keep telling myself this little pep talk. So this way I can keep hoping and keep believing. I have faith, though it may wavier sometimes, I can do this. Maybe it’s time for you to create your own little pep talk. What is it that you need to say to yourself to feel that sense of hope again, to have faith, to help you feel brave and strong?
Fears…something we think about, something we face almost daily. No matter the look I can put on the outside, there still can be some underlying fears. I am an analyzer, so sometimes those fears are because I over analyze a situation. But there are times when the fears are legitimate. To not let my fears get the best of me I try to work them out. I talk about them, I think them over to see what the real issue is, and sometimes I wait. I wait for God to intervene. Recently my fears have been either linked with teaching or linked with our decision to try again.
After the loss of a child, couples are faced with the grief, the healing process, and the question of do we try again. The grief and healing process come with time. But the question that sits just below the surface, waiting to come out, is do we want to try again. So, are we ready? Do we want to? Are we going to? What if?
Spring is here! Not only does the calendar say it, but so does the weather. For most of us who are in the northern Midwest Spring coming is a great sign. This year Spring seems to be showing up a little bit earlier than usual. It was still Winter when we hit 80 degrees. What that means for the rest of the season and the seasons to follow, I haven’t a clue. What I do know is that I love Spring! Next to Fall, Spring is my other favorite season.
