Dragonflies have a very special meaning to me.  They are my symbol to know that things are okay and that our little Samantha is nearby.  For a long time now I have had an interest in dragonflies.  I don’t remember what started it all, but I do remember from the time I was little I enjoyed watching dragonflies.  When I was little the dragonflies I watched were where we went camping every Summer.  I would stand on the dock watching them fly around and briefly rest upon a post or the boat, then fly away as quickly as they had come into view originally. 

Throughout my life, when I spot a dragonfly I stop for a moment, watch, then continue on about my business.  Over the past few years I have been collecting dragonflies for my gardens.  Without my knowledge until recently, this past Spring, when I put all my garden art out did I realize how many dragonflies I have. 

After we lost Samantha dragonflies began to take on a different meaning for me.  It seemed that they were all about.  Even though it was the middle of Winter, they were around.  From having one on a stone on the wall outside my hospital room, to the logo of La Belle Dame where I got my infant loss necklace from, to the tag on some bath salts that I got as a Christmas gift.  They were all around me.  The weekend after we got home from the hospital we received a peace lily plant and in the plant was a little dragonfly on a stick. 

Since then, seeing a dragonfly reminds me of Samantha.  I still watch them fly around with such grace and freedom.  I feel a sense of peace when I see one.  Now, when I see a dragonfly I notice that they too are lingering for a little bit longer.  I have begun to say “Hey Baby Girl” each time I see one, creating that deeper connection and sense of peace. 

The other day (July 29th) I was on my way out the door to head to work.  I turned to lock the door and when I turned back to continue on my way to the car a dragonfly landed right on my hand.  I watched it and it watched me.  It was a beautiful shade of red.  I have never seen a red one before.  While we considered each other I was overcome with emotion.  As the tears flowed, so did another layer of grief.  After what seemed like several minutes to me (most likely only seconds) the dragonfly flew away.  But for a brief moment everything seemed to stand still.  I wish that moment could have lasted forever.  Fortunately, it will last forever in my heart.  “Hey Baby Girl”.

Liz Lauterbach

Wife, Mom, Photographer, and Writer walking the path of healing by sharing my story. http://www.myinfantloss.com
 
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