January 28-

Woke up a few times in the night and had many break downs.  After the last one feel back asleep for a while and woke up part way through the morning.  Had a little breakfast and took a walk around the floor.  Sat outside the room just to get out.  We were waiting for Shiela to come and talk with us.  When she finally did we talked about the memorial service stuff, the baby went down to pathology and Raun I began to think about names.  We started with Jean for a middle and then just began to say names.  We settled on Samantha Jean.  When she got back to the room we took a few more pictures and did handprints in clay.  Then that was it.  Time to go home.  Released from hospital 4:30.  In a way it was nice to be home, but it was scary too.

 

January 27-

In Hospital- Last night was one hellish night.  I have never been in so much pain.  I begged and pleaded with God to make it stop.  I kept asking why me, why us.  I have never been in so much pain physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  After the 3rd dose in the middle of the night I just curled up into a ball and wanted nothing more than to go home and have this all be done.  Finally morning came with a doctor visit.  She wondered why I hadn’t had an epidural yet.  So they put one in and had another dose.  Finally I didn’t feel anything.  I spent most of the day dozing in and out of sleep and staring at the TV when I could.  Later in the day I was getting extremely hungry but couldn’t have anything to eat.  The nurse offered a popsicle so I opted to have one.  Mid popsicle I began to feel something slip out.   Samantha born at 4:30sih.  Afterwards, we weighed her, took pictures, handprints, footprints and held her.  We just sat there for a while.  Not knowing what to do next.  Eventually we got al little food, though didn’t eat much.  After the epidural wore off I got up and took a bath.  When I was done we went to bed.  Slept from sheer exhaustion.

 

January 26-

Dr. App-No Heart Beat, Admitted to Labor & Delivery, Lots of Phone Calls-Raun, Katie, Mom, Tonya-Visitors-Sherry, Katie, Tonya.  Spent the time chatting and then ate dinner.  Also made a lot more phone calls and watched a lot of TV.  First dose of stuff.  Was put on pain med iv part way through the night to help make getting doses easier.  Didn’t make a dent and made me feel a way I didn’t like or ever want to.  Tonya gave us a card and a little plaque that said TRUST on it.

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